"I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration."

The crack team of researchers at Drink at Work have unearthed some Pat Robertson quotes from previously unpublished "700 Club" transcripts:

• Man and monkey did not evolve from the same species. They didn't! You know how I know? Because I have eaten both and the tastes are remarkably dissimiliar.

• Sure, the Constitution states 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.' People say a lot of things. I once told me wife I was going to get the brakes fixed on our car. Didn't get around to it. Wanted some 'me' time. Two days later she drove right through a special ed school. Killed some kids. Big ones, too. That's what happens when you take prayer out of the classroom.

• Terrorism is happening because we as a nation have turned our back on God. Some of you might say, 'But if God is everywhere how can we turn our backs on Him? That doesn't make any sense.' Well, sometimes God steps away to do some filing. He's very organized. You have to be when you're the Almighty Creator. Otherwise, you have birds piloting aircraft and that simply wouldn't work.

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Fun Fact: Francesco "Ces" Marciuliano -- the genius behind the Drink At Work and MediumLarge -- is also the writer of this painfully humorless production.