Tuesday, August 05, 2008

SCAM Midyear Prognostication

My blogfather, Eric Zorn, has offered and made a call for midyear predictions. My answers to his questions follow:
Q.1 Whom will Barack Obama choose as his running mate?
A1: Chelsea Clinton. She will secure the Clinton supporters and make Obama seem much older.

Q.2 Whom will John McCain pick as his running mate?
A2: Joe Lieberman. He will unify the Death Before Diplomacy vote and make McCain appear steadfast and loyal.

Q.3 Will the White Sox be in first place on Sept. 1?
A3: Yes. And then they will implode.

Q.4 Will the Cubs be in first place on Sept. 1?
A4: Yes. And then they will implode.

Q.5 What will the average price of regular gas be in Chicago on Sept. 1? Q5: Between $4 and $4.30

Q.6 Will State Sen. James Meeks abandon plans to bus Chicago children to Winnetka on the first day of school to try to register at New Trier?
A6: No. Meeks' plan is a brilliant, made-for-tv political stunt.

Q.7 How many gold medals will U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps win in Beijing?
A7: None.

Q.8 Will Gov. Rod Blagojevich sign the ethics bill banning "pay-to-play" campaign donations?
A8: No. But he will be indicted.

Q.9 Will Drew Peterson be indicted for murder?
A9: No. But he will sign the ethics bill.

Q.10 Will state lawmakers and the governor agree on a capital spending bill?
A10: They will agree to disagree so that the money can be spent.
Bonus Prediction: On September 1, after the dust has settled on the Beijing Olympics, Americans will wish they had invested their US dollars in gold.

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